


Old Times

by Anonymous033



Series: Arospec Hayes [4]
Category: Conviction (TV 2016)
Genre: Aromantic, Arospec Hayes, Gen, Internalized Arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 12:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8750674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous033/pseuds/Anonymous033
Summary: “You were my best friend, Nay,” she murmurs, voice strained. “I wanted my best friend.”





	

“Do you know what ‘aromantic’ is?” Hayes asks over the plate of fries she and Naomi are sharing. She picks up a fry and dips it in ketchup as she waits; opposite her, Naomi appears to be giving her this intense, wordless stare.

“Is that what you were afraid of telling me?” Naomi finally asks, and Hayes realizes with a sinking feeling in her stomach that Naomi’s not talking about the past half hour during which they have sat in the diner booth as Hayes debated whether to open up.

“You knew this whole time?” Hayes doesn’t even want to know what her expression looks like, but she feels like all the blood has drained from her face.

Naomi furrows her brow. “I didn’t. I thought—when you said mushiness wasn’t your thing, I thought you meant you weren’t _sappy,_ not that you didn’t get romantic feelings.”

“Oh.” Hayes breathes in deeply. “Right.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know it was a thing.” She pulls her strawberry milkshake close and takes a long sip before shuddering. _Ugh, brainfreeze._ “I tried, Golden. I liked you.”

“But not romantically.”

The words, though not said meanly, cut a bit, so Hayes unwraps her fingers from around the cup and clasps her own hands together instead. She _had_ tried. Not too hard, admittedly—she had tolerated the idea of romance only just enough not to balk before trying—but she hadn’t _not_ wanted to be in love with Naomi Golden.

Naomi has always been a great woman.

Hayes just doesn’t know how to fall in love.

“I didn’t know people could not feel romantic attraction,” she admits haltingly. In hindsight, it seems a little silly that the thought hadn’t occurred to her, but back when she would have grasped at any straw to prove to herself that she was normal….

“Hayes—”

“I don’t know if I’m aromantic,” she interrupts, “but something’s … not right.” _With me._

“There’s nothing wrong with being aromantic,” Naomi tells her kindly.

“Isn’t there, really?” Hayes lifts her chin. “What if I _had_ told you that romantic feelings were a mystery to me back then, Naomi? Would you have looked twice at me?”

“You know I would have,” Naomi retorts. “I would just have known better than to fall for you.”

Hayes flinches. It’s ironic how deeply Naomi’s words hurt, considering how much she had wanted to outrun Naomi’s feelings back when they had dated.

“You were my best friend, Nay,” she murmurs, voice strained. “I wanted my best friend.” _Even if I hadn’t been in love with her._

Naomi sighs and reaches across the table, her fingers outstretched. Hayes links hands—Naomi’s fingers are soft and warm and calming, like they always have been.

“I never wanted—. With people who weren’t my friends, I never trusted them enough to think about dating them, anyway,” Hayes continues. “So, when they were my friends…”

“You thought you’d give it a shot,” Naomi finishes perceptively. Hayes nods.

“It wasn’t like I had any romantic reason to choose one person over the others.”

“So, it could’ve been me or any other friend, huh?” Naomi asks with a sad, crooked smile.

“You were the one I was closest to at the time, for what it’s worth. If I didn’t want it to be no one….”

“That makes me feel a little better, I guess,” Naomi says, and Hayes is relieved to see the other woman’s smile turn teasing.

“And you were hot,” Hayes adds, and Naomi coughs over the mouthful of milkshake she’s just drunk. “You are the _hottest_ friend I have ever had.”

“Good to know,” Naomi rasps. “You’re incorrigible, Hayes Morrison.”

Hayes laughs.

“So, why are you telling me this now?” Naomi asks as Hayes sobers.

“Dunno. I wanted to apologize, I guess.”

Naomi arches a sculpted eyebrow. “Well, that’s a new one.”

“You’re banging Conner,” Hayes answers smoothly. “No space to talk when your current boyfriend’s ego is more swollen than your ex-girlfriend’s.”

“Fair,” Naomi acknowledges. She squeezes Hayes’ fingers gently. “Thank you for telling me.”

Hayes squeezes Naomi’s fingers in return.

“Do you know where you’re gonna go from here?” Naomi asks.

Hayes quirks a corner of her lips half-heartedly. “Would you believe a seasoned fuck-up like me always thought she’d have to settle down some day, and now that said societally constructed expectation has been removed, she doesn’t know what to do?”

“You always tried to toe the line more than you would have people think.”

“Careful, there,” Hayes warns. “Nothing tempts me more than being presented with the opportunity to prove people wrong.”

Naomi chuckles. “Well, there’s your answer, isn’t it?”

“What, lifelong rebellion by not marrying and not popping out two-and-a-half kids?”

Naomi nods through a mouthful of fries, and Hayes laughs humourlessly.

“That’d be great, if the expectation were the only thing I was fighting against. I’d love nothing more than to see my mother’s face when she realizes her gay son and romantically challenged daughter have deprived her of biological grandbabies to hone into the perfect political weapon.” Hayes pauses. “But as it is, my social life barely extends past weekend flings, and now that I might swear off dating and all that stuff about _soul mates knowing me best…._ ”

She says it mockingly, but she’s scared.

She hasn’t exactly an abundance of loved ones—romantic or otherwise—to surround herself with, so what’s going to happen to her now?

“You still have me,” Naomi says, because she’s always been weirdly good at reading Hayes that way.

“Only until you move into the suburbs with Wallace, a marriage license, and a dog.”

Naomi wrinkles her nose. “Jumping the gun there. Wallace would likely move into a neighbourhood with rich, white old folks, and we all know how well they’d take his having a black, biracial wife. Besides, I never said I wanted to marry Wallace.”

“Point taken,” Hayes says.

Naomi’s reassurance feels more like a platitude than anything else, but her good intentions mean something to Hayes.

There’s a lull in the conversation as they polish off the rest of the fries; Hayes nibbles on her lip as she contemplates speaking up.

“Nay?”

“Mmm?”

“Does that mean I can still hit you up? Sometimes?”

Naomi watches her thoughtfully through another sip of the milkshake. “Only if you tell me how much of it was really a lie.”

“N-none of it,” Hayes stammers, thrown. “I liked you, Naomi. I really did. I had a lot of fun with you. I just—I thought I had to be in love with you. And I didn’t know how to be, so I left.”

“Okay.”

“‘Okay’?”

“I was angry at you for a long time, Hayes. We did have so much fun, you know? And then one day, you were just _done,_ ” Naomi says.

Hayes sits, feeling small and ashamed and stricken.

“But it must’ve been hard for you,” Naomi continues, “and I believe you when you say you didn’t know what else you could do. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t come to me. You didn’t deserve to be confused and alone—not then, not now.”

Hayes blinks rapidly, but Naomi doesn’t mention it.

“So, yeah, you can hit me up,” she says instead with another squeeze to Hayes’ fingers. “Just … give me time to learn how to be friends with you again, okay? It’s been a while.”

“That sounds fair,” Hayes agrees. She clears her throat and sits up straight, somewhat embarrassed by her break in composure.

Naomi smiles at her, and she smiles back self-consciously before taking a huge slurp of her milkshake.

And then, she makes a face. “Strawberry tastes awful when it’s warm,” she says.

Naomi laughs outright at her. “Strawberry _always_ tastes awful­; you just have bad taste.”

“I do not!” she exclaims in mock indignation.

For a moment, it feels just like old times.

* * *

Crossposted to: [Tumblr](http://anonymous033.tumblr.com/post/154039706097/old-times-a-hayes-naomi-one-shot-crossposted)

**Author's Note:**

> Ilfenesh--and by extension, Naomi, since we know nothing of her backstory--is black and biracial, I think? If I'm wrong, I'm sorry! It wasn't my intention, and please let me know so that I can correct my mistake.


End file.
